The last few days/week has been a REALLY difficult one for me. I find myself a nervous wreck and sick to my stomach the majority of the time. It happens every time just like this and I have had it with this feeling. Everytime Keith goes to China I feel MAJOR anxiety. He's only been gone for 24 hours and I have cried more in that 24 then I normally do in a 6 month period. It's like my emotions and my body betray me when he leaves. I can't seem to keep it togethor and I should be able to...I'm a adult for pity sakes!!! I really hate that I am like this so on suggestion from my wonderful mother that I love last night I am now taking prilosec the entirity of the time Keith is gone and I have just called my physician who will hopefully prescribe me a little psych med to force my body into control since I can't seem to control it on my own. Pretty much I feel like a failure...like I'm letting the enemy take control of me and I feel like I should be relaying on Jesus and not medication....I know.... worry about the worry about the worry......I am pathetic. Anyway, I am hoping that she will allow me to be on some sort of drug seeing as though I am psyco and all when Keith heads to China. I don't know exactly what all the anxiety stems from but it's bad....let me tell you.. and I DO NOT want to be like this the rest of my life while Keith's in China so, at the risk of sounding like an addict, I only want to take this medication temporarily...to get control of my body...so that I can get control of my mind and then hopefully the body will fall into alignment with the mind in the future.....I hope it works.
This week is fairly uneventful which is probably why I am so nervous....I NEED something to distract my mind from the mountain of days I must climb over til Keith gets back. Tomorrow should hopefully be better. I am going to clean the house in the morning and then head to get Lucy's orthodics in the afternoon which by the way the insurance paid $600 worth of and we only have to pay $96 Woo Hoo!!!! So happy about that!! Anyway, then on Friday we are all headed to Maryland for the big 1 b-day for Walter.....pray for us all... it's a quick trip but a distraction which is personally something I REALLY need right now...plus just the sustaining adult conversation hopefully will make me feel "normal" again.
On Monday Lucy will have her first Speech evaluation and we'll be scheduled for future appointments...finally woo hoo!! Then she will have her normal OT appointment. After that...it's downhill....Tuesday is our last day/night without Keith...he'll be back Wed at 3. Luckily, my wonderful mother-in-law is coming to spend the nights with us when Keith's gone and watching the dog for us when we are in Maryland....what woul d I do without my mother in law! Thank you so much Nancy...words are not enough...Anyway...as you can see from this entry...my spirits are low and my hope is fragile....if any of you have a few seconds and want to send up some prayers for us that would be AWESOME....we're praying that time flies...that I stay distracted...and that NO ONE gets sick while Keith's gone which by the way is a way Satan seems to ALWAYS attack me with when Keith's away....Anyway hope everyone is ok!! ( sorry this is so negative--I'll try to be more positive next week when Keith is on the way home :)
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