Trying to Stay Positive in a Negative World....

The last few days/week has been a REALLY difficult one for me. I find myself a nervous wreck and sick to my stomach the majority of the time. It happens every time just like this and I have had it with this feeling. Everytime Keith goes to China I feel MAJOR anxiety. He's only been gone for 24 hours and I have cried more in that 24 then I normally do in a 6 month period. It's like my emotions and my body betray me when he leaves. I can't seem to keep it togethor and I should be able to...I'm a adult for pity sakes!!! I really hate that I am like this so on suggestion from my wonderful mother that I love last night I am now taking prilosec the entirity of the time Keith is gone and I have just called my physician who will hopefully prescribe me a little psych med to force my body into control since I can't seem to control it on my own. Pretty much I feel like a failure...like I'm letting the enemy take control of me and I feel like I should be relaying on Jesus and not medication....I know.... worry about the worry about the worry......I am pathetic. Anyway, I am hoping that she will allow me to be on some sort of drug seeing as though I am psyco and all when Keith heads to China. I don't know exactly what all the anxiety stems from but it's bad....let me tell you.. and I DO NOT want to be like this the rest of my life while Keith's in China so, at the risk of sounding like an addict, I only want to take this medication temporarily...to get control of my body...so that I can get control of my mind and then hopefully the body will fall into alignment with the mind in the future.....I hope it works.
This week is fairly uneventful which is probably why I am so nervous....I NEED something to distract my mind from the mountain of days I must climb over til Keith gets back. Tomorrow should hopefully be better. I am going to clean the house in the morning and then head to get Lucy's orthodics in the afternoon which by the way the insurance paid $600 worth of and we only have to pay $96 Woo Hoo!!!! So happy about that!! Anyway, then on Friday we are all headed to Maryland for the big 1 b-day for Walter.....pray for us all... it's a quick trip but a distraction which is personally something I REALLY need right now...plus just the sustaining adult conversation hopefully will make me feel "normal" again.
On Monday Lucy will have her first Speech evaluation and we'll be scheduled for future appointments...finally woo hoo!! Then she will have her normal OT appointment. After that...it's downhill....Tuesday is our last day/night without Keith...he'll be back Wed at 3. Luckily, my wonderful mother-in-law is coming to spend the nights with us when Keith's gone and watching the dog for us when we are in Maryland....what woul d I do without my mother in law! Thank you so much Nancy...words are not enough...Anyway...as you can see from this entry...my spirits are low and my hope is fragile....if any of you have a few seconds and want to send up some prayers for us that would be AWESOME....we're praying that time flies...that I stay distracted...and that NO ONE gets sick while Keith's gone which by the way is a way Satan seems to ALWAYS attack me with when Keith's away....Anyway hope everyone is ok!! ( sorry this is so negative--I'll try to be more positive next week when Keith is on the way home :)

Questioning my health status...

Well...right now I am not feeling too hot. I'm hoping I'm not coming down with something. I am either tired from cleaning the kitchen for the last few days....or I'm getting sick.....I'd much prefer the former......I have that achy, stomach upset, tiredness that could be associated with either condition...so I have to wait for the time to tell the final verdict. There is a TON of stuff going around ...so it very well could be a bug....but I'm hoping and praying not.....you are welcome to pray along with me....Feeling like this reminds me very much of the stinky part of being a mom.....dad's are sooooo lucky...if they get sick...on most occasions...they still have there wives to take care of them....they can lay in bed and sleep all day.....because their wives are caring for them and the kids.....but when the mom gets sick....like the way I'm feeling today....not sick enough for dad to stay home from work....mommy still has to take care of the children and put herself on hold... .even though everything in her is screaming for rest and relaxation...I think it's a movie mommy kinda day...... :0)
Anyway, other than not feeling well...this day is floating on by as is the week. We are trucking along at our schedule and days.....not much time left with daddy home....just holding on to him as long as we possibly can :0)
Hope everyone is ok......until next week......

Bread Makin for Bakin.....

In the last 3 days....all I have done is Bake, Bake , Bake....I'm trying to get back into somewhat of an order with breakfast again....Gideon has had one to many PB&J's and is getting really ready for something new for breakfast...so it's back to our daily schedule...the only problem is I have to bake an awful lot to get there....luckily since Keith was gone I had something to fill up my time. On Monday we baked Anadama Bread for Toasty Tuesday (yummy sweet/er bread with molasses) Tuesday we baked about a million and a half english muffins...it took all day....Today we baked again about a million waffles, a pan of baked oatmeal and a pan of granola bars....I think we are officially ready for school next week! :) I also organized my calenders for 2010...Geez we have soooo many appointments between myself, Lucy, Ella and the Dog!!! I feel like all I'm going to be doing is running around!!! I planned suppers for the next 2 1/2 months as well.....I feel like I'm getting organized in the brain...now I have to get the house organized....Man that is NOT fun....my house needs a thorough cleaning....I do normal cleaning every two weeks but I am talking about a top to bottom, clean out the cupboards/wash cupboard doors..organize cleaning...we've lived here 4 years and it's time to do the on your hands and knees scrubbing the floor boards cleaning.....it will probably take me a LONG time to get the whole house done but my goals are to have both bathrooms and the kitchen done by Sat evening...so I can go grocery shopping and fill up the cupboards again....
Whew...ok that just wore me out typing all that....
Keith's back!!!! YAYYYYYYYY!!!!!! I know it's only temporary because this is High travel season and the big one is approaching quickly but I sooooo miss him when he's gone....3 days and nights are NOT fun.....neither are two....I've learned to deal with one.....that's not so bad anymore...but 8-10 (china days) drive me insane....luckily this time I think we are going to take a little trip to the east for Baby Walters 1st birthday with my parents while Keith is away...that should be a good time consumer and plus we get to see family which will be AWESOME>..I love Walter...have I said that before?? :)
An Update on Lucy....we saw the neurologist last week and he's done with us....not in a bad way..it's just that he doesn't think he can do anything for us and he is sending us on to someone he thinks can. A geneticist. So.....on March 2nd Lucy is scheduled to see this new doc and also to get an EEG (for her muscle spasms). We are continueing therapy...please pray that we get into the speech program soon!!!

Hope all is well!!

Back to Life...Back to Reality....

Christmas was great...the New Year was fine....but now it's time to get back to real life....and it is ALWAYS a difficult time for me to look ahead to 4 more months of winter....but it's especially hard this time because Keith is going to be gone for the majority of the first month.... I will have my guard dog...and I will have others staying with me, I'm sure....but it's still not easy to not be a family. I'm trying to be positive though and think of things we can do to pass the time quickly and get through it all easily. We will be pretty busy anyway with all the therapies and appointments and gymnastics....yes I have enrolled Lucy in an 8 week beginner tumbling class. I'm hoping she really likes it and the teacher will have patience with her and it will help her with her issues. We will see. It starts next Sat and runs every Sat until March. She has no idea I've enrolled her...and I think she'll flip when she finds out. Hopfully she won't be too disappointed that it's not dance :) Anyway She has therapy tomorrow with her P.T...the first real session. Gideon will be at school so it will just be me and Ella traveling around so I hope it all goes smooth. Friday Lucy has another appointment with the neurologist. She wasn't too thrilled with him the first time so i hope this time goes better. I am assuming he will be scheduling some more testing...hopefully not too much blood work...I'm not sure how that all will go without Keith around...I hope ok.....Saturday I am babysitting Gideon's friend (Gordon and Margarets Foster kid) Johnny. Gideon is so excited....I hope they don't totally trash my house...I think I'll send them to the basement to have at it......It's a good place to trash because I can just shut the door and ignore it :) :) Next week promises to be a week of steady activity so time should go quickly.

We've just recieved some really sad news from Keith's parents about Keith's youngest cousin Cody. He has been battleing Melanoma for the last year and in his last scan it showed that the Melanoma has spread to all of his organs. Such a sad situtation. He's only about 20 and they are giving him 6 months to a year. Please keep the family in your prayers. Keith and I are praying for a miracle yet and praying especially for peace and healing spiritually and emotionally for Cody. It makes me so thankful for my family and their health. Really....the consequences that come from living in this fallen world stink sometimes more than others.....

I hope everyone had an awesome Christmas and New Year. We were blessed to be with all of our family and thoroughly enjoyed our time with all. Until next week.....

Count down to Lost premier: 27 days :) :)