Have you ever just gotten really depressed and wanted to wallow in it for awhile? I know I am being REALLY negative and bluntly honest but this is one of those times I feel like swimming in the sea of other peoples pity for a little while....The last month has been a really tough one, to say the least. I don't know what has been up but I have been a mean mommy and a very unsympathetic wife, a whining daughter and a lathargic aunt. What has got me feeling like this....one can only guess. A lot of it centers around Keith traveling a whole lot, making my job a 24/7 one...not to mention all the stuff going on in our lives with Lucy and the testing.....but it's more than that...it's like a lack of enthusiasm and general unhappines....don't worry...I am NOT suicidal....just having a rough time. I should try and be grateful for what we have...a house, health, jobs, family that is not sick, friends that love us and we love, a God that is good.....but it's really hard for me to think about all that when what is present is so pressing. Ok...that's enough of my personal venting session....on to more important things....
So Keith is gone in Las Vegas for awhile...then he'll be home for like 1 day and then he's leaving for his annual fishing trip (I know....I need to be supportive...I'm trying)....So I'll be a fishing/work widow for the next 2 weeks. Currently, my parents are also missing in action taking a much needed vacation to see my brothers and their families...this is all well and good except that they have Chickens, Cats and Dogs I have to take care of in their absence....Two wild dogs....three kids scared of the dogs....4 new baby kittens to keep the dogs away from, a bucket of slimy chicken water and a dusty poopy pen have been my friends these last 4 days....I shouldn't complain the chickens are mine and I paid for them (with mom) and I only take care of them when they are away...but right now....store bought eggs sound really good. Gideon is going to school...most days....this morning he missed the bus....the neighbor lady took him so grammy didn't have to (I was at work) He loves it and wishes it was all day everyday....the only bad thing is he's picking up attitude and we are having MAJOR issues combating it...hopefully that will turn around soon. Lucy's test all came back negative....which is good....nothing is wrong with those things and I should be rejoicing but a part of me wants some sort of a diagnosis....my reaction was....."then what in the world is wrong with my child !!!"....I guess I just want some answers and that's not going to happen for awhile....we are attempting 4 months of Occupational Therapy and then if that doesn't work we'll go to another specialist or have some more tests done....poor little Lucy! Ella is doing ok...she's still having some temper tantrums but she's happy most of the time and her smiles, hugs and kisses are bright lights to me right now...anyway I hope I have not depressed anyone by this update...it's just the scoop on us we are eating, sleeping and living through each day which is enough for me at this point in survival mode.
1 comment:
You do have a lot going on and how you feel isn't unjustified or make you a bad mommy or wife.
But this too shall pass... it doesn't feel like (don't I know it), but it will.
I'll be praying for you. Love ya.
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