Trying to Stay Positive in a Negative World....

The last few days/week has been a REALLY difficult one for me. I find myself a nervous wreck and sick to my stomach the majority of the time. It happens every time just like this and I have had it with this feeling. Everytime Keith goes to China I feel MAJOR anxiety. He's only been gone for 24 hours and I have cried more in that 24 then I normally do in a 6 month period. It's like my emotions and my body betray me when he leaves. I can't seem to keep it togethor and I should be able to...I'm a adult for pity sakes!!! I really hate that I am like this so on suggestion from my wonderful mother that I love last night I am now taking prilosec the entirity of the time Keith is gone and I have just called my physician who will hopefully prescribe me a little psych med to force my body into control since I can't seem to control it on my own. Pretty much I feel like a failure...like I'm letting the enemy take control of me and I feel like I should be relaying on Jesus and not medication....I know.... worry about the worry about the worry......I am pathetic. Anyway, I am hoping that she will allow me to be on some sort of drug seeing as though I am psyco and all when Keith heads to China. I don't know exactly what all the anxiety stems from but it's bad....let me tell you.. and I DO NOT want to be like this the rest of my life while Keith's in China so, at the risk of sounding like an addict, I only want to take this medication temporarily...to get control of my body...so that I can get control of my mind and then hopefully the body will fall into alignment with the mind in the future.....I hope it works.
This week is fairly uneventful which is probably why I am so nervous....I NEED something to distract my mind from the mountain of days I must climb over til Keith gets back. Tomorrow should hopefully be better. I am going to clean the house in the morning and then head to get Lucy's orthodics in the afternoon which by the way the insurance paid $600 worth of and we only have to pay $96 Woo Hoo!!!! So happy about that!! Anyway, then on Friday we are all headed to Maryland for the big 1 b-day for Walter.....pray for us all... it's a quick trip but a distraction which is personally something I REALLY need right now...plus just the sustaining adult conversation hopefully will make me feel "normal" again.
On Monday Lucy will have her first Speech evaluation and we'll be scheduled for future appointments...finally woo hoo!! Then she will have her normal OT appointment. After that...it's downhill....Tuesday is our last day/night without Keith...he'll be back Wed at 3. Luckily, my wonderful mother-in-law is coming to spend the nights with us when Keith's gone and watching the dog for us when we are in Maryland....what woul d I do without my mother in law! Thank you so much Nancy...words are not enough...Anyway...as you can see from this entry...my spirits are low and my hope is fragile....if any of you have a few seconds and want to send up some prayers for us that would be AWESOME....we're praying that time flies...that I stay distracted...and that NO ONE gets sick while Keith's gone which by the way is a way Satan seems to ALWAYS attack me with when Keith's away....Anyway hope everyone is ok!! ( sorry this is so negative--I'll try to be more positive next week when Keith is on the way home :)

Questioning my health status...

Well...right now I am not feeling too hot. I'm hoping I'm not coming down with something. I am either tired from cleaning the kitchen for the last few days....or I'm getting sick.....I'd much prefer the former......I have that achy, stomach upset, tiredness that could be associated with either condition...so I have to wait for the time to tell the final verdict. There is a TON of stuff going around ...so it very well could be a bug....but I'm hoping and praying not.....you are welcome to pray along with me....Feeling like this reminds me very much of the stinky part of being a mom.....dad's are sooooo lucky...if they get sick...on most occasions...they still have there wives to take care of them....they can lay in bed and sleep all day.....because their wives are caring for them and the kids.....but when the mom gets sick....like the way I'm feeling today....not sick enough for dad to stay home from work....mommy still has to take care of the children and put herself on hold... .even though everything in her is screaming for rest and relaxation...I think it's a movie mommy kinda day...... :0)
Anyway, other than not feeling well...this day is floating on by as is the week. We are trucking along at our schedule and days.....not much time left with daddy home....just holding on to him as long as we possibly can :0)
Hope everyone is ok......until next week......

Bread Makin for Bakin.....

In the last 3 days....all I have done is Bake, Bake , Bake....I'm trying to get back into somewhat of an order with breakfast again....Gideon has had one to many PB&J's and is getting really ready for something new for breakfast...so it's back to our daily schedule...the only problem is I have to bake an awful lot to get there....luckily since Keith was gone I had something to fill up my time. On Monday we baked Anadama Bread for Toasty Tuesday (yummy sweet/er bread with molasses) Tuesday we baked about a million and a half english muffins...it took all day....Today we baked again about a million waffles, a pan of baked oatmeal and a pan of granola bars....I think we are officially ready for school next week! :) I also organized my calenders for 2010...Geez we have soooo many appointments between myself, Lucy, Ella and the Dog!!! I feel like all I'm going to be doing is running around!!! I planned suppers for the next 2 1/2 months as well.....I feel like I'm getting organized in the brain...now I have to get the house organized....Man that is NOT fun....my house needs a thorough cleaning....I do normal cleaning every two weeks but I am talking about a top to bottom, clean out the cupboards/wash cupboard doors..organize cleaning...we've lived here 4 years and it's time to do the on your hands and knees scrubbing the floor boards cleaning.....it will probably take me a LONG time to get the whole house done but my goals are to have both bathrooms and the kitchen done by Sat evening...so I can go grocery shopping and fill up the cupboards again....
Whew...ok that just wore me out typing all that....
Keith's back!!!! YAYYYYYYYY!!!!!! I know it's only temporary because this is High travel season and the big one is approaching quickly but I sooooo miss him when he's gone....3 days and nights are NOT fun.....neither are two....I've learned to deal with one.....that's not so bad anymore...but 8-10 (china days) drive me insane....luckily this time I think we are going to take a little trip to the east for Baby Walters 1st birthday with my parents while Keith is away...that should be a good time consumer and plus we get to see family which will be AWESOME>..I love Walter...have I said that before?? :)
An Update on Lucy....we saw the neurologist last week and he's done with us....not in a bad way..it's just that he doesn't think he can do anything for us and he is sending us on to someone he thinks can. A geneticist. So.....on March 2nd Lucy is scheduled to see this new doc and also to get an EEG (for her muscle spasms). We are continueing therapy...please pray that we get into the speech program soon!!!

Hope all is well!!

Back to Life...Back to Reality....

Christmas was great...the New Year was fine....but now it's time to get back to real life....and it is ALWAYS a difficult time for me to look ahead to 4 more months of winter....but it's especially hard this time because Keith is going to be gone for the majority of the first month.... I will have my guard dog...and I will have others staying with me, I'm sure....but it's still not easy to not be a family. I'm trying to be positive though and think of things we can do to pass the time quickly and get through it all easily. We will be pretty busy anyway with all the therapies and appointments and gymnastics....yes I have enrolled Lucy in an 8 week beginner tumbling class. I'm hoping she really likes it and the teacher will have patience with her and it will help her with her issues. We will see. It starts next Sat and runs every Sat until March. She has no idea I've enrolled her...and I think she'll flip when she finds out. Hopfully she won't be too disappointed that it's not dance :) Anyway She has therapy tomorrow with her P.T...the first real session. Gideon will be at school so it will just be me and Ella traveling around so I hope it all goes smooth. Friday Lucy has another appointment with the neurologist. She wasn't too thrilled with him the first time so i hope this time goes better. I am assuming he will be scheduling some more testing...hopefully not too much blood work...I'm not sure how that all will go without Keith around...I hope ok.....Saturday I am babysitting Gideon's friend (Gordon and Margarets Foster kid) Johnny. Gideon is so excited....I hope they don't totally trash my house...I think I'll send them to the basement to have at it......It's a good place to trash because I can just shut the door and ignore it :) :) Next week promises to be a week of steady activity so time should go quickly.

We've just recieved some really sad news from Keith's parents about Keith's youngest cousin Cody. He has been battleing Melanoma for the last year and in his last scan it showed that the Melanoma has spread to all of his organs. Such a sad situtation. He's only about 20 and they are giving him 6 months to a year. Please keep the family in your prayers. Keith and I are praying for a miracle yet and praying especially for peace and healing spiritually and emotionally for Cody. It makes me so thankful for my family and their health. Really....the consequences that come from living in this fallen world stink sometimes more than others.....

I hope everyone had an awesome Christmas and New Year. We were blessed to be with all of our family and thoroughly enjoyed our time with all. Until next week.....

Count down to Lost premier: 27 days :) :)

Progress....Progress....Progress

If I could tell you the theme of this past week it would be Progress......

We have baked 5 different kinds of Christmas Cookies in the last 7 days.....and have 1 more kind to go for today or tomorrow....equaling neighborhood gifts and Santa treats almost done. We made butter cookies, oreo truffles (yummy), white and chocolate "moon cookies" (Gideon calls them) white and chocolate Santa Sandwich cookies and brownie tassies...I know...I am so not traditional with my cookie baking but I actually let Gid pick the recipes this year and these are the ones he picked. Anyway so cookie baking is almost checked. Christmas Shopping is almost done. I have my list for our gifts to the local homeless house and we just have to hit Walmart tomorrow night with the kids for those....almost check. All but one of our online purchases has arrived and it is suppose to be delivered today ...almost check...(I feel like I'm almost checking a lot of these...but really by tomorrow night all will be checked off hopefully.) I have my assignments for what to bring to at 2 Christmas' Parties (of course not the Roynons...my parents won't decide either of those til like next Wed or Thurs :):) Anyway I just feel like the hustle and bustle of Christmas prep is finally coming to a close...and I am sighing...ahhhhhhh.........

Lucy is also progressing really well. We had her PT evaluation today and it was GREAT!! Starting after the first of the year we are going to go to Physical therapy every Thursday morning. This will help with muscle strengthening, bone correction, stability, joint displacement...etc....anyway her therapist will work directly with our Orthodic Therapist to get Lucy what she needs for her feet. She has very poor tone all over but especially on her legs and butt. Because she is flat footed and has very poor muscle tone in her ankles and feet her natural foot position is for her feet to tip inward. The therapist says she has done an awesome job compensating by adjusting her feet to the correct position but her inner ankle/foot bones have developed strangly because of this and also she has learned to walk/run without using the muscles on her upper thighs and butt much at all...therefore she needs some major strengthening there and she WILL NOT like the orthodics because they will make her work harder. She will have to wear them at all times so she might be an unhappy camper. Anyway....so once a week we will drive 45 minutes for 1 hour of physical therapy, eventually once a week we'll have to drive 45 minutes for 1 hour of occupational therapy...and starting the first of the year...we will probably drive 45 minutes a week for speech therapy as well. Hopefully they will combine or at least back to back some of the appointments so we are not always on the run....I am excited about this Physical Therapy. The therapist stated that her coming 1 time a week will strengthen her body better for her other therapies and we may see quicker progress in the other areas as well. Plus it will help her during her growth spurts so she doesn't fall so far behind physically as she grows. Also...total praise. I learned that God truely provided for us with Julie Miller. We saw her unexpectidly on a Thurs morning...the following Monday she stopped taking new patients....Praise God...he truely loves us and not only wants what's best for us but makes it happen!! Oh how he loves you and me......Good news...Good news....

Other than that...our lives have been great. We just got our little Maxie girl....And she is doing great. Check my facebook for a picture. She is a little puff ball of fur and really quite well behaved. So far...all my research has payed off......last night I said to Keith..."ok...we started out with the TOTALLY wrong dog for us with our first puppy Maddie....this one is already sooooo much easier"....the dog is mellow...had few accidents...and other than getting up to let her out a couple of times at night (which will soon be done with) she's behaving great...already going into her crate to sleep during the day by herself and not really barking all that much to be let out at night! Whew.....so far so good! :) :) :)She'll run around and play with the kids and get all hyper and you pick her up....and she cuddles like a baby...and doesn't try to squiggle away....LOVE IT!!! Anyway that's the scoop on our little family!! Hope all's well with everyone else!!

Blow Wind Blow and Go Mill Go

Holy Cow!! It is SOOOOOOO windy today! My front window...that I officially broke the storm window out of while cleaning it this summer is rattleing and I think it might just break out and fly away! I am trying to avoid going outside at all costs...but I may have to walk to the mailbox...and to the barn to shut the door that blew open last night! MAN!! It hasn't been this windy around here in a LONG time!
We've had quite a busy week so far....for us...Friday and Sat Keith and I went Christmas Shopping. We are almost done! Whew!! It was really busy while we were there....I stood in a line at Kohls that wrapped all the way to the back of the store!! Luckily it went really fast but when I got there I thought...do I really want to be shopping here? Anyway Sunday was our official day to teach Sunday School (the whole 13 4 year olds in a shoe box thing)....quite stressful but they were actually all well behaved this time! We had a lot of fun with them...some of them are just adorable and even though the room is WAY too small we managed to keep them all focused and entertained for the hour and a half that we had them. Monday was Lucy's therapy day....which we got a GREAT report...I don't remember if I talked about our unexpected blessing last week but Dr Julie Miller...who we were going to have to wait 6 weeks to see...called us unexpectedly on Thursday and said she had a cancellation and wondered if we could come see her at 1 that day....we rushed around....praised God and went...SHE WAS AWESOME....she spent 1 and 1/2 hours in the room with us...yeah....totally unheard of for Doc's and she observed Lucy and did different activities with her...she tickled her and had her jump and run...watched her eye movements and hand movements....AWESOME....she actually TOOK TIME to see that there was something up with Lucy and she (although she's been diagnosed with Lymphoma and is going to be undergoing chemo) took a real interest in Lucy and wants to help her ALOT...she even stated..."I'm going to be going through some tough stuff the next few weeks but I don't want Lucy to fall through the cracks...we need to find out what is going on with her...if I haven't called you back in 4 weeks...call my office and they'll know how to get ahold of me"...Yeah...any doctor that is willing to think of your child while undergoing crap like chemo shows the character of her heart and her willingness to help....WE LOVED HER!!! She ordered PT, and Speech therapy so our lives are about to get really hectic. She also ordered orthotics for Lucy which cost...get thsi $400.00 a pair and are only good for as long as the foot stays the same size...luckily insurance will pay but HOLY COW!!! Anyway those will help her with her stability and balance issues and coordination. She also asked that we get Lucy back into dance or gymnastics or karate to help with her coordination. So between going to Toledo possibly 2 times a week and mixing in Dance or something and doctors appointments with like 4 different docs we are going to be busy...but the good news is Lucy is improving in therapy and meeting her 3 month goals..she is able to stick out her tongue now...not up but down and out which is HUGE for her. She is also getting much sturdier in balence and able to climb and swing better without falling so much! We will probably be going through some genetics testing in the next few weeks also which might help answer some of our questions about the "whys" of everything. Lucy is also starting to have more of a body awareness....so that will also help her. She has some Apraxia which is when the brain knows what it wants to do but can't get the fingers/mouth to do it fast...anyway that's why she gets so frustrated and takes time to do things...the Doctor told us...she's a beautiful girl who's doing AWESOME with her uncooperative body...but we can help her do better! GREAT NEWS!! Anyway...such good news....
So anyway last night we had Gideon's Christmas Concert. He was so cute singing on the stage...although the girls were moving THE WHOLE TIME...so it was hard to listen to all the grades sing but it was fun...and when we left the school it was snowing...perfect night for a Christmas concert. So that's an update on our busy lives...Today we are doing laundry to catch up and starting to make some Christmas cookies (to freeze)...because.....THE PUPPY COMES SAT!!!!!! Wish us good luck!!!! Hope all's well!!

Have you seen the Gingerbread Man?

If any of you reading my blog have seen the Gingerbread Man, Gideon would really like to know where he is. Evidently yesterday at school...they made a Gingerbread man in class and took it to the oven in the cafeteria to bake it. They took it out to cool and when they went back to pick it up later.....IT WAS GONE!!!!...there were just sugary footprints off the pan.....His class is now on a search for the Gingerbread man so if you've seen it please call us! HAHAAHAHA!! Gideon told me...."Mom...me and Meleah thought it was just a fairy tale...but it wasn't...ours really ran away" He's having SO much fun with this story. On Monday his homework was to decorate a paper gingerbread man that he had cut out at school...he gave it button eyes and a jingle bell nose..it was really cute. I'm excited he's having fun learning....I wish that momentum would stay through all of his school years!
Our lives have been "steady" this last week but not too busy. We had an awesome Thanksgiving...incredibly relaxing....we really didn't DO anything....except get the Christmas tree and decorations up...which is always a hassle....seriously every year I say I am going to get a new tree because ours is just MASSIVE. and a PAIN to put togethor...but once we get it decorated...the "King of the Mountain" is so pretty I just can't part with it...but really....it's going to have to go soon...it's getting really dirty and rusty in the joints and it's starting to tip a little bit at the top...next year I want to get a real tree. I can still remember as a child living in Virginia climbing up this mountain with my brothers and parents in snow up to my knees to pick out a Christmas tree...I Sooooo want to let my kids experience something like that.....of course there are not even hills here...but still the cutting down and picking out is still worth it to me. I did get a real pine wreath for the front door...so we are partially real I guess :) :)
We are going Christmas shopping on Sat if all goes well and I hope to get most of it done then because next week is D-Day...and I'm not talking about the beaches of Normandy......Yes...the time has officially come.....the Dog is only a week away. I have my game face on and I'm getting ready...actually I am SOOOOO excited. I have been researching crate training on the internet and any other information I can. This time...despite what all goes on...I'm determined to be intellectually prepared :) I want to do this right!! I want a good dog so I need to put some effort into getting it that way. Plus...I think I've matured from the previous experience (at least I hope so) I hope that three kids have made me more responsible :) :) I am a little more used to cleaning up poop and pee now than I was...and getting up in the middle of the night. :) :) So Sat morning the 12th our lives are going to change forever......and I'm so ready for the kids to know...Keith has been telling them they are NOT getting a dog for Christmas...he about had Gideon in tears the other night...I told Gideon that it was between him and Santa...Daddy said...."Santa and I are like this (crossing his fingers) so he won't give us a dog without my approval"....It should be a good surprise!! I am going to wrap up a copier paper box I got at work and put it in there with a towel (they have a story about a Christmas puppy like that) anyway other than that...I have no idea what I 'm going to do. Soooo.....needless to say...everything has to be done or almost done by next Sat because after that our lives will be busy with puppy training!!
That's the big update on our little lives....Hope all's well